not preparing enough

another thing is incoming into life and i didn't even have times to prepare everything for it because some past problems that keep on cropping up and eaten me for few years. i really had no idea if i can really can take care my entire family well being judging from this. it is true that life circumstances doesn't wait for anyone. and how much one can prepare for this?

although i try my best at one point of time to keep going and pushing like a nuts , eventually i fell down and hurt myself badly. not only i accomplish little, i got emotionally drain, wounded and now are under recovery section (it is already 2 years in recovering mode and it may take few years more to completely recover).

So i suppose there is one reason why one should prepare as early as possible. sometimes preparing too early can make your entire result goes wrong. people can take every single of your piece of work and submitted under their name . or what you done is entirely wrong. or by the time had reach, that is no longer the right version of your work. you wasted a lot of your time for doing something too early which in the end turn nothing at all.

Then i was being introduce to the concept of waiting and let it spring as it comne. I love it and enjoy it. because i do not have to wake up early. i don't have to prepare 3 hours early before a class start. and the teacher was really regret for introducing this concept because i started to late for her class  and it continue for many many years after that. sometimes i decide to prepare early, other times i prepare late.

But now i got hit back by this same thing. apparently i needed to prepare early because by the time i finish prepare , it is just enough right at the moment. and here i am griefing too . because in tackling someone else problems , mine own problems had become huge like mountains neglected on one side. while the other people says hurraaayyy.. my problem is solve. Mine own one started as crisis and need immediate attention all the time . if i fail to remedy it, someone may die that very second. Sometimes i felt i was punish for helping others. they thought i am a problem solver so they kinda throw every single problem of theirs to me, forcing theirs first to be solve. but who gonna solve mine if my beloved one dies while solving theirs work problem because of their selfishness?? I am tired to have to handle everything under urgent level while they can just play their game and continue politiking tomorrow. i guess i am expecially hating those who are pay to do and solve their  work and they make me go through hell to solve their work which they are paid to do it .

oh well, a problem crop up in my life and i still haven't make enough income to buy a car. and had no idea how to handle the future incoming medical expenses beside than the living expenses (my very own living expenses only). i guess that is why i too want to choose to too much money problems instead of no money problems as some of my problems can only be solve by lots of money while the other half, no amount of money can solve it .